I am banned from driving with my brother in the car. He cannot stand it. Mostly he says it's because he looks like a loser riding around in the passenger side. To which I say "And?" But anyway, this is something that no matter how hard I have tried to convince him otherwise, remains a fact. When we ride together he drives. I don't even make an issue of it anymore, I just meekly get in the passenger seat.
In exchange for my surrender on this point, I get to tell him how to drive whenever we go places together. I pretty much never do this to other people because, besides being incredibly rude and annoying, I don't know more about driving than most people. BUT because he insists on driving I view it as my right to comment on his driving. Right? (Come on, people, back me up on this one. He's younger than me... sibling hierarchy anyone?)
Usually my duties as co-pilot include telling him when he's driving too fast ("Rainor, you do know this is a 10 mph zone and there are speed bumps, right? Ow!"), telling him when he's driving too slow ("Come on, it's a 55 and you KNOW you can go at least 60 without being pulled over."), and informing him what the rules of the road are and when he's about to kill us. ("This is a freaking no passing lane, Rainor! AND THERE IS A CAR COMING YOU DORK!!!").
Another thing about going places with Rainor is that I like to be early. It probably comes from the years of being part of that family with all those kids who are late to everything. Since Rainor has also been a part of that same family all those years, it would make sense that he was the same way about being on time. But no. He likes to arrive at the very, very last minute. If we are supposed to be someplace at 3:00 I want to walk in the door around 2:50. He, on the other hand, wants to pull into the parking lot at exactly 3:00.
But really there has only been one time where we came close to being smeared on the highway. We were pulling out of a parking lot and there was a big truck in the way that we couldn't see around. He asked me if I could see anything from the passenger side, to which I replied "Nothing." meaning I couldn't see anything. He thought it was "Nothing." as in, nothing is coming and pulled out.
The log truck honked his horn and Rainor threw it in reverse. Unfortunately, my purse was sitting on the gear shifter. Somehow, Rainor managed to curse at me, throw my bag at me, put the car in reverse, and save our sorry butts all in one fluid motion. The log truck barreled by at 40 MPH and we just sat there in the parking lot.
We didn't speak or look at each other for a moment. I was a little worried about my brother, because I knew I hadn't packed extra underwear for him. Also because I knew that he was really, really upset with me about my bag being on the shifter. After a while he turned to me and said "If I'd have known you were such an idiot I would have packed extra pants." To which I responded "That's your fault. You know EXACTLY what an idiot I am!"
He had to admit that this was true and that this was also the reason I was banned from driving when he was in the car.