Monday, November 17, 2008

In case you're wondering, I'm not gay.

I am a people person and meeting new people brings me great pleasure. What does not bring me pleasure is when upon meeting someone for the first time, or the first time in a long time, they proceed to ask 'significant other' questions.

These are questions I never know exactly how to answer. Of course the immediate answer is "No, I'm not seeing anyone." Then the person asks is there anyone I'd like to be seeing, to which I always answer 'no', even if the answer is 'yes'. As if it is any of their danged business. I like it when the interrogation ends here.

Unfortunately it almost never does. Because people who are nosy enough to ask if you're seeing anyone and then to ask if there is someone you like who you are not seeing, are also nosy enough to ask why. I consider the two previous questions to be annoying. I consider the latter to be uncomfortable. And this is where I start to not know what to say.

It is wholly unsuitable to say "Because no one is interested." because that immediately makes me seem like a loser and I kind of hate the condescending sympathy the ensues. It is also not appropriate to say "Because I'm not interested." because that would be lying, however convenient that may be, and because condescending sympathy ensues anyway. And no matter how appropriate it may be I can never bring myself to tell anyone "That's none of your business." because I like people and it just seems so rude.

Usually I end up muttering some drivel about not finding the right person yet or some such similarly ridiculous collection of buzz words. Which leaves them feeling like I'm keeping secrets and me like I'm being shallow.

Well, this last trip to my Tennessee I went to a big party with my father. There was a bonfire, lots of beer, ATVs, and rednecks. (Note: I was not drinking at this party.) I didn't actually know anyone there so met alot of people. For the most part they were all very nice people, but this one woman in particular was overly friendly. She was unnaturally blonde, had a terrible mullet, and was, I believe, rather drunk. The conversation began innocently enough, but quickly digressed into something strange.

"Are you seeing anyone?"
Not this question for the third time tonight!
"Is there some one you hope to be seeing soon?"
There is no way I'm answering this truthfully. How DO people ask strangers questions like this?
"No, not really."
"Oh." pause "Do you not like men?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I mean, do you, like, not like men..."
I CANNOT believe someone is asking me this! "Am I a lesbian?"
I STILL cannot believe I am having this conversation. "Oh no, I'm very straight."
"Oh, ok. I just thought there must be a reason you're single."
Yeah, it's called... BECAUSE I'M SINGLE!! "Ha, yeah, no."

I might not have been so surprised had this conversation taken place in Eugene. But this was way out in the sticks of Tennessee and it took me off my guard. I suppose maybe I should be flattered... that she thought there had to be some particular reason I was single other than that I happened to be. But somehow being mistaken for a lesbian isn't really all that flattering.

So, in case you're wondering; Yes, I'm single. No, I'm not a lesbian. And yes, it bothers me that you're asking me. Also I think it's retarded that if I don't have a boyfriend at 19 people wonder if I'm gay.


  1. Yeah that is retarded. But then a lot of people are so whatever.

    Here's a good answer - "Of course I have a boyfriend. I just haven't found him yet."


  2. A certain young man of our mutual acquaintance has been asked the same thing since he was 14. It seems that holding out for one's spouse is now even stranger than homosexuality. How sad.

  3. Just wait until you find the right guy, get married, and get pregnant! Then random STRANGERS will ask you all kinds of impertinent questions about your bodily functions, the baby, and even whether it was planned!

  4. agreeing with anonymous. Only wait until you have the baby and people ask you how you had your baby, d-section or natural, if you had an episiotomy, did you have an epidural. And last but now least complete strangers feel ok about asking to hold your newborn baby.

    It only gets better.

  5. Many of my guys friends, because they are still virgins, get picked on in the locker room and asked if they're gay. It's such a sick world we live in...
    As to answering the question of WHY, I always respond, "I'm not ready yet, and God hasn't placed the right guy in my path yet. I've also avoided a lot of heartbreak by waiting for the right guy than diving into relationships." (I also say that I don't believe in dating until a person is ready to get married--my firm belief after reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"-- but that's another story in itself.) People really seem to respect this (especially after I explain myself), and I haven't gotten any negative feedback for it...yet.

  6. Thanks for clearing that up for me, Lizzie. I always wondered if you liked men. You *never* talk about them or anything.

  7. Lol! That's nuts.

    No one ever seems to ask me those questions at all; or very rarely. maybe I'm too intimidating to people or something. :P

    I usually answer 'not yet', and leave it at that, and they seem satisfied...

  8. No offense or anything, but I do find all of that funny. But think about it, cute girl, no guy, not interested in any guys (that you let on about) what else are you supposed to think?

  9. Lol, I'm sorry, but that is kinda funny.

    The girls I watch, were horrified to find out that I have never kissed a guy. the 12y/o has been trying to figure out how to remedy this horrifying situation. It's quite amusing actually. :lol:

  10. I usually say, "no not right now." and when they ask me why I say, "I'm taking a break from dating for a while" people usually understand that. I just don't mention that the "break" wasn't my idea- more like God's. It cuts the conversation comfortably short.

  11. Still laughing over this.

    -your bff

  12. oddly enough, i've been called gay as well. apparently this is because i actually exercise self-control? i dig. awesome tagging skills, you have.

    random yoda reference?

  13. *gasps* whoa Adam....

    isn't it annoying when people act this way? I actually find it rather amusing when some random person I don't know asks me if I have a boyfriend or something along those lines. My response is always no. and they're in shock that I'm not like most teen girls my age. And truthfully, I don't want one....yet, lol!

  14. oh, since you're probably wondering, I'm from the 'Local Rebelutionaries' where you posted....

  15. ^same here.

    fortunately, i haven't been asked if i was gay, but of course, 'significant other questions' abound! especially from my grandparents.

  16. ^same here.

    fortunately, i haven't been asked if i was gay, but of course, 'significant other questions' abound! especially from my grandparents.


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