In case you're wondering, I'm not gay.

I am a people person and meeting new people brings me great pleasure. What does not bring me pleasure is when upon meeting someone for the first time, or the first time in a long time, they proceed to ask 'significant other' questions.

These are questions I never know exactly how to answer. Of course the immediate answer is "No, I'm not seeing anyone." Then the person asks is there anyone I'd like to be seeing, to which I always answer 'no', even if the answer is 'yes'. As if it is any of their danged business. I like it when the interrogation ends here.

Unfortunately it almost never does. Because people who are nosy enough to ask if you're seeing anyone and then to ask if there is someone you like who you are not seeing, are also nosy enough to ask why. I consider the two previous questions to be annoying. I consider the latter to be uncomfortable. And this is where I start to not know what to say.

It is wholly unsuitable to say "Because no one is interested." because that immediately makes me seem like a loser and I kind of hate the condescending sympathy the ensues. It is also not appropriate to say "Because I'm not interested." because that would be lying, however convenient that may be, and because condescending sympathy ensues anyway. And no matter how appropriate it may be I can never bring myself to tell anyone "That's none of your business." because I like people and it just seems so rude.

Usually I end up muttering some drivel about not finding the right person yet or some such similarly ridiculous collection of buzz words. Which leaves them feeling like I'm keeping secrets and me like I'm being shallow.

Well, this last trip to my Tennessee I went to a big party with my father. There was a bonfire, lots of beer, ATVs, and rednecks. (Note: I was not drinking at this party.) I didn't actually know anyone there so met alot of people. For the most part they were all very nice people, but this one woman in particular was overly friendly. She was unnaturally blonde, had a terrible mullet, and was, I believe, rather drunk. The conversation began innocently enough, but quickly digressed into something strange.

"Are you seeing anyone?"
Not this question for the third time tonight! "No."
"Is there some one you hope to be seeing soon?"
There is no way I'm answering this truthfully. How DO people ask strangers questions like this? "No, not really."
"Oh." pause "Do you not like men?"
WHAT THE!?!?! "I beg your pardon?"
"I mean, do you, like, not like men..."
I CANNOT believe someone is asking me this! "Am I a lesbian?"
"Yeah."
I STILL cannot believe I am having this conversation. "Oh no, I'm very straight."
"Oh, ok. I just thought there must be a reason you're single."
Yeah, it's called... BECAUSE I'M SINGLE!! "Ha, yeah, no."

I might not have been so surprised had this conversation taken place in Eugene. But this was way out in the sticks of Tennessee and it took me off my guard. I suppose maybe I should be flattered... that she thought there had to be some particular reason I was single other than that I happened to be. But somehow being mistaken for a lesbian isn't really all that flattering.

So, in case you're wondering; Yes, I'm single. No, I'm not a lesbian. And yes, it bothers me that you're asking me. Also I think it's retarded that if I don't have a boyfriend at 19 people wonder if I'm gay.