Monday, May 17, 2010

Life without my husband and mayo is not worth living.

Silas is home from Google orientation and I could not be more happy. Two weeks is really a long time. When I dropped my husband off at the airport I figured it wouldn't be THAT hard to fend for myself for a couple weeks... by the time I picked him up I had made a unilateral decision that we would never again spend longer than a week apart.

The biggest reason I decided this had to do with a very stubborn mayonnaise jar. The day after Silas left I was presented with the chore of having to open a new mayonnaise jar. No biggy, right? Not so. I COULD NOT GET THE STUPID LID OFF! I tried with all my might. I twisted and twisted. I used two towels for grip - still nothing doing. I got out a butter knife and beat on the lid for awhile before attempting to open the jar again.

As I stood there at the counter, furiously banging away with the butter knife the thought crossed my mind "What if you can't get this jar open, Elisabeth?" I began to panic. There, on the counter sat my half made sandwich. I couldn't eat it without mayo. I knew I couldn't. I wished, for the first time since I got married, that I still lived at home so one of my brothers could open this jar for me. My whole culinary life began to flash before my eyes... all the things that I couldn't make without mayo! Sandwiches of all kinds, salad dressing, chicken braid, mayo spaghetti, AHHHHHHHH!!!!

Adrenaline surged through my veins, I took up my towels and twisted as hard as I could! I heard a pop! I felt a pop. I had finally managed to get the lid unscrewed but not without pulling a muscle in my forearm. Seriously. Not. Even. Kidding. This is why I will never live alone. Ever. Some women worry about choking to death, alone, in their apartments. I worry about not being able to open mayonnaise jars.

But, thankfully, God blessed me with Silas, who will always be willing to spare me injury by opening any and all jars for me (well, except for maybe ketchup bottles). Lucky me.

I should mention that there IS a price to pay for husbands who open mayonnaise jars. Lately, for instance, I've had to endure Silas's fit about the fact that I don't know what tiramisu is. (In my defense I know it's some sort of Italian cake thing. That explanation earned me no brownie points with Si.) And if you think his reaction to that was bad, yesterday he discovered that I don't know who Pink Floyd is...

12 comments:

  1. :D Elisabeth, I love your blogposts! :D

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  2. *gasps* *sits in silence for a moment thinking of all the awesome things you're missing*

    Tiramisu and Pink Floyd?! My dear, those are two things a person should not have had to go twenty years without encountering! I trust Silas is going to remedy this?

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  3. I know exactly what tiramisu is and I'm not a fan. At all. You aren't missing a thing. ;-)

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  4. Shocked about the tiramisu, even thought I've never tried it. And I believe we had a talk about this little(read: HUGE) Pink Floyd issue...

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  5. Next time you have a stuck jar, use hot/boiling water. There's a chance it could break, so be careful, but most likely the temperature change will free the lid.

    Nothing is more valuable than independence.

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  6. Pink Floyd? I know who they are. Hasn't added a thing to my otherwise abundant life. Don't worry about it. Tiramisu... I think you DO know about this. It's like trifle, but with lady fingers instead of cake and coffee instead of wine. Again, I know what it is, I've eaten it, big deal. Nothing you can't live without for another 20 years.

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  7. Tiramisu is awesome! But you need to try the real thing and for that, you'll need to wait a few more months until baby is here :-) Lady fingers, cream, liquor... yummy!

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  8. oh my goodness. your blogs more often than not leave me amazed that you have change very little. i miss you elisabeth this was amazing.

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  9. Pioneer Woman has a great recipe for Tiramisu. Good stuff. I tried it about 20 years ago when I waitressed at the Olive Garden. I guess its true you can go 20 years without it.

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  10. I love Tiramisu... Pink Floyd, not so much :P

    The thing about tiramisu is that it's so inconsistent- from baker to baker, they can taste vastly different. No one seems to use the same recipe so if you didn't like one person's tiramisu you might find that you like someone else's :D

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  11. I feel somewhat vindicated.

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  12. Stephanie McAllisterMay 20, 2010 at 9:56 PM

    Mayo jar...do not beat the lid with the butter knife, but pry the lid where it meets the jar... Tiramisu is a layered dessert with lady fingers (shortbread cookies), espresso, whipped cream with marscapone, and shaved chocolate. It's ok if you like all the above mentioned ingredients...also with lady fingers are dipped in the espresso with booze :)

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Muse with me. Please?