Thursday, July 22, 2010

Preggo Dreams Pt. 2

I blogged about my pregnancy dreams earlier on in my pregnancy. I've continued to have dreams about birth since then. Mostly they revolve around the moment of birth, when I find out the sex of the baby, and usually Baby Snider is born with a complete vocabulary and the ability to speak. I enjoy these kinds of dreams and usually I wake up in a really good mood after these.

Sometimes I have preggo nightmares. These I do not enjoy. My preggo nightmares have to do with something going wrong in labor, and usually I wake up before I get to see the baby. A preggo nightmare can throw off my whole day. I had one two days ago and it's still kind of disturbing me.

It started out strangely because I wasn't at home. I was in labor in what was my house, but it wasn't familiar to me at all. Neither my husband or my midwife was there, it was just me and a doctor and his staff there. I didn't want them there and kept telling them to leave. They kept chasing me around with needles trying to give me injections. I kept telling them I didn't need them there and I could do this by myself.

Some nurse finally succeeded in giving me some sort of shot which I then had an allergic reaction to. This resulted in the staff holding me down on the dining room table while the doctor gave me a c-section.  I could see the whole thing happening. Then I passed out.

When I came to all of the medical staff was gone and my Mom was sitting next to me holding my baby (which was a girl in this dream). I thought maybe I had "dreamt" up the whole ordeal, but then I looked down and had a horrific gash across my stomach that looked like it had been stitched up with fishing line and I couldn't sit up.

The I woke up. For real. I was crying and freaked out. I checked for the horrid scar from my dream but there was none and Baby Snider was still safely tucked in my womb. I woke up Silas who calmed me down and assured me that everything was fine. But I felt "off" the whole rest of the day. And it still freaks me out when I think about it.

I want a natural birth, but I'm not afraid of having a c-section if medically necessary. (Read: transverse at complete dilation or prolapsed cord.) What I AM afraid of is not being in control of my own birth process. I'm having a homebirth. My husband, sisters, midwife, and a close friend are going to support me and help me during labor and delivery. I don't know why I'm so fearful of that being taken away from me when it isn't even the least bit likely.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 

Any of you other Mamas out there have irrational fears about such things?

5 comments:

  1. Aw, I can relate! The scary dreams are no fun. Part of birthing is giving up control and just giving in to your body and what it will do -- and that can be tough!

    I'm listening to some fantastic affirmations from Hypnobabies and I was thinking it might be helpful for you to either listen too, or to write out a list of some affirmations and speak them to yourself several times daily, and have someone on your birth team say those words, too.

    You will have a beautiful birth!

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  2. Yeah, those pregnancy dreams can be a doozy. One of the funniest I had was I dreamed that my MOM gave birth to two cantaloupes and a watermelon. :)

    If you feel the dreams are something spiritual, ask your hubby to pray for you before you go to bed. And know that birth IS a wonderful time of LOSING control and having to submit to something so much bigger than yourself. I personally found it such a wonderful time of learning to rely on my Savior even more. :)

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  3. I had a scary dream in my first trimester.
    I had a miscarriage and instead of having a baby in my belly it was fish (don't ask me why lol) and my mom and I were running from some creepy guy and ended up in my grannys old house in Clarksville, which I haven't been to since i was like 5. It scared the daylights out of me. I was glad my doctor appt was the next day to insure I still had a baby in my belly lol.
    You will do awesome with the birth of baby snider, and I can't wait to see him/her after you have them!!!!

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  4. Pregnancy makes us a little irrational, but in waking and sleeping hours. I had all kinds of weird dreams, including giving birth to a fox.

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  5. The weirdest dreams I have are the ones that involve me taking my baby out of my stomach (normally by birthing) and then putting him/her back in my belly (normally through my belly button) telling them they aren't ready yet.
    Depending on the events surrounding the birth dream, I am sometimes trying to hide the baby from someone when I tell the baby to go back inside my womb. I really appreciate the "dreamless" exhausted sleep nights I have when I am pregnant.

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Muse with me. Please?