I blogged about my pregnancy dreams earlier on in my pregnancy. I've continued to have dreams about birth since then. Mostly they revolve around the moment of birth, when I find out the sex of the baby, and usually Baby Snider is born with a complete vocabulary and the ability to speak. I enjoy these kinds of dreams and usually I wake up in a really good mood after these.
Sometimes I have preggo nightmares. These I do not enjoy. My preggo nightmares have to do with something going wrong in labor, and usually I wake up before I get to see the baby. A preggo nightmare can throw off my whole day. I had one two days ago and it's still kind of disturbing me.
It started out strangely because I wasn't at home. I was in labor in what was my house, but it wasn't familiar to me at all. Neither my husband or my midwife was there, it was just me and a doctor and his staff there. I didn't want them there and kept telling them to leave. They kept chasing me around with needles trying to give me injections. I kept telling them I didn't need them there and I could do this by myself.
Some nurse finally succeeded in giving me some sort of shot which I then had an allergic reaction to. This resulted in the staff holding me down on the dining room table while the doctor gave me a c-section. I could see the whole thing happening. Then I passed out.
When I came to all of the medical staff was gone and my Mom was sitting next to me holding my baby (which was a girl in this dream). I thought maybe I had "dreamt" up the whole ordeal, but then I looked down and had a horrific gash across my stomach that looked like it had been stitched up with fishing line and I couldn't sit up.
The I woke up. For real. I was crying and freaked out. I checked for the horrid scar from my dream but there was none and Baby Snider was still safely tucked in my womb. I woke up Silas who calmed me down and assured me that everything was fine. But I felt "off" the whole rest of the day. And it still freaks me out when I think about it.
I want a natural birth, but I'm not afraid of having a c-section if medically necessary. (Read: transverse at complete dilation or prolapsed cord.) What I AM afraid of is not being in control of my own birth process. I'm having a homebirth. My husband, sisters, midwife, and a close friend are going to support me and help me during labor and delivery. I don't know why I'm so fearful of that being taken away from me when it isn't even the least bit likely.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Any of you other Mamas out there have irrational fears about such things?