Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Thunder only happens when it's raining.

I dreamt about my cousin, Jason, the other night. My aunt and I were back in the hospital where we all spent so many months. Jason was gone, but we kept hearing him singing and talking to us around the corner. We followed the sound of his laughter, but each time we turned down a hall he would be already be around the next corner, just out of reach.

We used to play that game together at the hospital. In the beginning of his treatment he didn't want to leave his room at all. We could convince him to get on his tricycle, but he didn't want to ride it. So I would hide around each corner and he would try to catch me. Sometimes he would ask the nurses where I was hiding and they would tell him. I would claim he cheated and he would just laugh and tell me he was smarter than me.

I woke up with his joyful laughter ringing in my ears. I was missing Jason and it's been weighing heavy on me ever since. Tomorrow will be seven months since he passed away. Next month he'd have turned six if he was still with us. Silas, Gideon and I are going to Iowa for Thanksgiving and Jason won't be there. This will be our first visit since the funeral and his absence will be so strange.

This is a video Jason and I made for my aunt, while she was at work one day and we were hanging out at the hospital. Sometimes it was hard to get him to eat anything, so we would play games to make it more fun. I hope it makes you smile.

I miss this little boy so much.


  1. Hard stuff, even with the memories of laughter.

  2. It made me smile. (through the tears)

  3. What a sweet, sweet boy. Thanks for sharing the video with us.


Muse with me. Please?