I was driving around with Britt today and I said "You know, I've felt alot more mellow lately." And she agreed with me. You see, I've been a bit stressed out for, oh, about the past two years.
It started with Jason's illness. I moved to Iowa for several months to care for him in the hospital so his parents (my aunt and uncle) could keep their jobs/insurance. Then when I went home to Oregon I got engaged to Silas. I had 3 months to plan a wedding. I got married. Jason relapsed. I moved across the country to a city I'd never even been to before. Three months after that I got pregnant. Four months later, within the space of a week, Silas was fired, Jason died, and Silas was hired by Google. We moved again. I gave birth to my son, Gideon. When he was 4 months old we flew across the country for a 3 week vacation back to our roots. Oh yeah, and I started a business. I'd say that's more than enough to make a person a bit high strung.
But you know, something happened on that trip back to Oregon over Christmas and New Year's. I felt like all the stress of the past two years just kind of melted away. I don't know why. It just did. It could be the hormones of pregnancy are finally evening out. Or that Silas and I are not the volatile newlyweds we once were. Or maybe it's because I no longer worry about my cousin because everything I feared for him already happened and now he's safe with Jesus.
I don't know. But I'm happy to know that the craziness I experienced last year is not permanent and that things will be smooth once again.
Jesus, I am resting, resting, in the joy of what thou art.
I am finding out the greatness of thy loving heart.
Thou hast bed me gaze upon thee and thy beauty fills my soul
For by thy transforming power thou hast made me whole.