Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Death. Pain. Fear. Joy?

Those are some pretty heavy words. Uncomfortable words. Proof that no matter how high tech our society is, we control next to nothing. Fear still grips us, hearts still hurt, people still die. Sunday I found out one of my friends, Ben, died in a tragic accident. He was 24, the same age as Silas.

This, coupled with the fact that the one year anniversary of Jason's death is coming next month, has me down. Really down. And not just down with pain. Down with fear.

Sometimes when I drop Silas off from work I have a panic attack and wonder if I will ever see him again. Sometimes I look at Gideon and my heart wrenches with terror at the thought of anything ever happening to him.

When Ben was born I bet it never even crossed his mother's mind that she would have to bury him at 24. When Jason was born my aunt could never have imagined the he would get sick and she would only have five years with him. I fear because I KNOW that things happen that you never expect. Cancer strikes. Dressers fall. Accidents happen.

But I don't want to be a slave to fear. I don't want every joyful moment I have to be mixed with terror. How can fear and joy co-exist in one heart? I don't think they can. And for my part I choose joy. I choose it, but I'm not there yet. Soon, I pray, soon.

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.  - John 14:1

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. - Romans 8:15

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. - 1 John 4:18

Oh God! Make me perfect in love! Cast out my fear!

5 comments:

  1. :hugs: May God show you how to live in His joy today.

    I understand the fear. I have been doing a lot of thinking ever since I heard of Ben's death. I look at my beloved through different eyes. I just never want to let him out of my sight. But that isn't really practical. Lol. I have decided that the time we do have together will be lived to it's fullest and without fear. Life is too short to live in fear.

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  2. I'm walking with you in moving from fear towards peace and joy; trying to live in light of eternity. love you!

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  3. I've been having many of the same thoughts of late. Thank you for so beautifully sharing here.

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  4. Yes. Choose joy. And it is such a hard choice when you really know the danger that lurks and how thin that veil really is between now and eternity.

    We are trying to choose joy, too, amidst all the fears of what else might happen.

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  5. Remember that Steve Green song from Hide 'Em In Your Heart volume I? "When I am afraid I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you..."

    It comes from Psalm 56:3-4

    3What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.

    4In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me

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Muse with me. Please?