Tuesday, May 3, 2011

My life, the sitcom.

Yesterday afternoon I got a text from my friend, Emily, asking if I was going to the gym that night. I was, indeed, planning to go to the gym. I almost always go on Monday nights because they have an abs class followed by a spin (biking) class, both of which I enjoy. So I told her that I was going to be there. Then I started sewing.

I think we all have those things that we do that we enjoy so much we lose track of time. Sewing is my thing. Gideon was napping and I was happily making a hand bag and next thing I knew it was 5:00 and I hadn't started dinner yet. I was planning to make French Onion Soup and I knew I needed about an hour to make it and I needed to do it before I went to the gym because I don't get out of spin class till 8:00 and then I pick Silas up from work.

Silas + waiting an extra hour for dinner when it's already 8:00 = marital strife.

So I ran down stairs and started cutting up onions. Cue tears. Lots of tears. I mean the fountains of the deep opened up and started gushing everywhere. I tried to wipe my eyes on my sleeves. Stupid idea. All that I managed to do was coat my eyes in onion juice. I considered cutting with my eyes close but quickly realized the danger in such a plot. 20 minutes later the onions were finally cut up and ready to be caramelized.

Caramelized onions are possibly the best thing ever. But they also take forever to make. I knew I was cutting it close. I would have to leave the house as soon as the onions were done. So while they cooked I got my gym stuff together, dressed and changed Gideon and as soon as the onions were done I  was out the door.

I showed up at the gym, signed up for spin class and went to drop Gideon off at the play room. Then I realized. I was wearing my clogs. Several words came to mind. None of them polite. There was no way I could go to spin in my clogs because they would never fit in the toe straps of the bike. Abs class was about to start and in my mind I could see Emily waiting for me, none too pleased at my absence.

Gideon and I hurried to the car and drove home. I tried to call Emily, but to no avail. Once again I would be cutting it close. I could get back to the gym in time for spin, but just barely. The 10 minute drive seemed to take forever. I got home, got Gideon out, put my shoes on, put Gideon back in the car and headed back to the gym.

Thankfully the annoying cop who patrols Stanton wasn't around. I didn't have time for his shennanigans.

The parking situation at the gym isn't really a very speedy one. There is a parking garage, and at 6 in the evening on a Monday it's a zoo. I had to park way away from the elevator and I did a really poor parking job. But I got there, dropped Gideon off, and went upstairs to find Emily. I found her judging eyes waiting for me when I got to the spin room. I explained what happened and I think she forgave me, or at the very least, stopped giving me judgey eyes.

Class started with Michelle (the instructor) telling us we were going to go a little harder than usual. Michelle already has the hardest spin class out of all the instructors. It's my favorite class, but very difficult for me. And this class? It was hard. Really hard.

I started to sweat during the very first song and as soon as I started to sweat my nose was greeted with the lovely aroma of caramelized onions. It was rich, folks. I've never puked from working out. But let me tell you right now, I was pretty darned close last night. My muscles were aching, I got a little dizzy and then, just when I felt like I was catching my breath, I'd got a whiff of onion sweat and I wanted pass out and/or barf.

If this was a sitcom I would have puked all over myself, my bike, and Emily. Everyone in the class would have pointed and laughed, Emily would have left in a huff, and I would be banned from the gym. But this is real life. And sometimes in real life things don't end in the most hilarious and embarrassing way possible. Sometimes they end ok.

The class ended without embarrassment. I picked up Gideon from the playroom and Silas from work. We ate soup, which Silas and Gideon both loved. Gideon went to bed and the grown ups watched an episode of Glee. So the stressful evening ended in an anticlimactic way and I must say, I was thankful for that.


  1. Okay, so this might be a totally weird response, but I just wanted to say, this was a beautifully written post!

    Also, entertaining. Of course :-)

  2. As soon as you started to talk about Onions and Gym I *knew* what was going to happen!! Thanks so much for the laugh.


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