Thursday, June 9, 2011

Same song: 400 and somethingth verse.

Today I drove past Children's hospital. Now that the weather is nicer the sick children are out walking around the hospital, many pulling along their IV poles. There was one little girl around Jason's age. She was being pushed in a plastic car. Her caretaker was pushing the IV pole. That was me two years ago, pushing the IV pole while Jason pedaled around on his tricycle.

I don't really have alot to say. Just that I'm thinking about Jason today. A year and a couple months since he passed away. It still hurts too much to dwell on. So I don't dwell. It hurts too much to be in the hospital. I avoid it. I don't even like taking Gideon to the pediatrician. All the machines. The nurses. Scrubs.

That's all for now.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest . Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30

1 comment:

  1. The memory is a curious thing, how it can store actual hurt, which you can physically FEEL - which can be triggered by sights or sounds or smells or a combination. But it also works for happy memories, not just painful ones, so perhaps, overall, it balances. The smell of vanilla ice cream and Hershey's syrup causes me to recall the voice of my Grandma Roe. It's harder with Jason because he didn't live long enough to store up tons of the happy associations, and so much of his life was spent where so much sadness and pain is the norm. If he had lived, perhaps the sight of seeing a child with IV pole in tow would trigger giggles? Remember how he went from being sort of angry and not so easy to deal with, to being joyful during the time you spent with him in the hospital? It's nice to know he was happy in that environment.

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