Thursday, August 18, 2011

I threw away the cake. (Also the cake is a lie.)

You saw those two lovely cakes we made for Gideon's birthday? Well that cake has been kicking my butt.

Background on me and cake: Good cake is my favorite food ever which kind of means it's my waistline's biggest enemy. If someone came up to me and asked if I'd rather have a giant chimichanga (second most favoritest thing ever) or a slice of rich, moist cake I'd pick cake. And I would savor it. Taking tiny bite by tiny bite till I'd eaten the whole piece and felt wonderful and horrible at the same time. That is me and cake.

Back to birthday cake - there was a decent amount of cake left over from Gideon's party. Probably about 1/3 of each cake was left. So I wrapped it up in plastic wrap and stuck it in the fridge. Unfortunately, I have to look in my fridge several times a day.

Every time I opened the fridge it would bat its theoretical eyelashes at me and be all "O HAI ELISABETH! EAT A TINY, TINY PIECE OF ME! A LITTLE SLICE WON'T MAKE YOU FAT!" After about five days of tiny slices of cake (and countless finger dips) there was still cake left and the numbers on my scale which had been steadily heading downward held steady... then they began to climb.

I crawled into bed on the fifth night and complained to Silas who, for the record, had not eaten a single piece of left over cake. "I JUST WANT TO EAT CAKE AND NOT BE FAT! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!?!" I cried. Silas began to giggle. I shot him a dirty look. He kept giggling. And, well, my dirty look shooter never works when Silas is giggling. I had to admit I was pretty ridiculous. "You want to have your cake and eat it too, huh?" he said. "Yes. Yes I do." I replied.

"I should have just thrown the cake away!" I wailed. "Yep." he said. "I'm throwing the rest of the cake in the trash tomorrow." I announced. "Good plan." he said. "If I can bring myself to..." I muttered.

And you know what? I did. And it felt horrible. That poor cake. What did it ever do to anybody? I just existed. Being moist and delicious and wonderful. I could feel the hatred from the children in Africa and my brothers in Oregon. But I did it. And I woke up this morning wishing I hadn't because then I could eat it right now while blogging.

Good thing I still have a bowl of ganache in the fridge.

Basically, I just want this t-shirt. And a tiny giant piece of cake.


  1. I could have written this post...

  2. I am the same way with cake. and whats worse is i LOVE to bake! so i now will not bake anything unless we are taking it somewhere. do you know the MAIN reason for this? Gary doesn't eat it. at all. ever. WTF GARY! EAT THIS CAKE!!!! I have thrown away several cakes in my time. I always feel so wasteful.

    I was really "good" with the cake that was left over from Joel & Anna's party (there were 5 cupcakes and about 1/4 of the cake left) I only had 2 cupcakes (one on Monday, one last night)...the downside of this was the reason i didn't eat a cupcake on Tuesday was that i was too lazy to go and get one *sadface* Gary actually ate the rest of the cupcakes. I am taking the rest of the cake to work and making them eat it!

  3. oh and also, I hate 50 cent (the rapper) but "i love you like a fat kid loves cake" is the most romantic thing i have ever heard (because, as a fat kid myself i know that is a LOT OF LOVE!!!!)


Muse with me. Please?