This morning did not begin very well.
On work days Silas usually rises before me, takes a shower, then brings a smiling Gideon to me in bed so I can nurse him and start waking up. This morning when Silas brought him to me he was crying, nay, screaming. His clothes were soaked through from his diaper and (most shockingly) he refused to nurse.
All the diaper changing supplies were downstairs so I picked up my screaming child who was writhing on the bed and headed down. I tried to sooth him but he would have none of it. As soon as I unsnapped his onesie diaper filling started falling out. I said something not very nice. This was not going to end well.
As I recently explained to a childless friend (You're a good man, James Miller!) disposable diapers are filled with tiny jelly beads that absorb moisture. And if you don't change a wet diaper soon enough the fibers that hold the diaper together will fail and the jelly beads, full of gross liquid will spill every where and worse, stick to everything.
When I pulled that onesie over Gideon's head not only did a large amount of bad smelling jelly beads fall on the floor but they were stuck all over his belly. At this point Silas left for work. When I removed his diaper to find poo covering a nasty diaper rash I threw my hands up in the air and said "Heyo, baby let's go... take a bath!"
Only once he had been carried upstairs and had his butt submerged in water did he stop screaming. Have I mentioned before that Gideon loves baths? They are pretty much his favorite thing in the world next to bananas. And as I carefully washed his bottom with a soft wash cloth he began to calm down and drift back into his usual cheerful self.
I hate diaper rash. It is the only reason we're even using disposables right now. It's horrible to hear your baby crying because he's in pain. I cursed those danged mandarin oranges. Gideon ate a whole can of them as part of his lunch yesterday. He loved them so much! But since diaper rash is my #1 enemy at this point, I guess those are going to be crossed of the grocery list I just made (It's Thursday, yo! (Nooooooooo! I just realized I missed the garbage truck!)).
From this part on things start to get a little better. I got Gideon out of the bath and wrapped him in a towel. He cooed at me. I went to put a diaper on him but he was still a bit damp and bloody diaper rashes are the worst thing ever so I let him run around naked while I went to get the Desitin.
Then I realized I'd packed up the Desitin since we hadn't used it in several months. So I let Gideon run around naked while I searched for the box I had packed it in. I had done a really good job of labeling the baby boxes so I quickly found it... underneath two other boxes and a cradle. I'd just like to say that I disapprove of moving heavy boxes in the morning.
By the time I'd returned from the basement with the Desitin Gideon was his usual chipper self and immensely enjoying his nakedness. I was exhausted. And we'd only been awake for 40 minutes. But we both survived. And THAT was the ridiculousness of this morning.