Thursday, May 30, 2013

Coming out of the fog.

It's just past 9:30 and both the kids are asleep in their beds and they have been for almost an hour now. In fact, before I started writing this post I even sat on my bed and read a book for 45 minutes! The hours between 8:00 and 12:00 are my newly discovered hours of freedom, quiet time, my getting-stuff-done time. And the novelty of it has not worn off yet. Will it ever?

For 11 months I have not had more than a few moments to myself at a time because my sweet, squishy, lovey Zeke has needed almost constant physical contact. And this week he suddenly decided to start taking naps by himself. I don't even have to rock or nurse him to sleep. I set him on the crib mattress on the floor in our room and I say "Zekey, it's bed time." and he talks a little or pouts, plays with his feet for awhile, then goes to sleep.

The enormity of it. That I am even typing these words. I am coming out of a high needs baby induced fog. For almost a whole year I have slept with a baby on my chest. Almost constantly I have been holding or wearing a baby that cries whenever he is put down. A baby that would wake out of a dead sleep the moment his body was not touching mine. And who wakes up to nurse every 2-3 hours.

Zeke is walking. He's crossing over from baby to toddler and I guess I knew in my head that babies grow up but I truly did feel, in my heart, that it was never ever going to happen to Zeke. Over the past year I have not written much, on this blog or otherwise. But in the past week I have written more than I have in the past two years put together. I am coming awake with Spring and it tastes wonderful!

The days I spend with my children are the most joyful I can imagine. And the evenings I spend alone or with my husband are inspiring and restful. I am thankful for both and imagine I will feel even more so after a full night's sleep... which I am praying is the next great leap on this path to toddlerhood.

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